


Can We Fast-Forward ’Til You Go Down on Me?

by davidpatricks



Series: David and Patrick: Disaster Dads [5]
Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Blow Jobs, Family Fluff, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Married Life, Morosexual, Quickies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2020-06-15 20:20:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19626763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/davidpatricks/pseuds/davidpatricks
Summary: Patrick Brewer is definitely morosexual. Luckily, he married a man who occasionally says some very stupid things.





	Can We Fast-Forward ’Til You Go Down on Me?

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first-ever smut and I didn't even actually write the smut part lmao, thanks to Kat (@imbrokelyn99) for writing some truly excellent blowjobs!  
> Inspired by that one tumblr post that goes like:  
> David: It's a general store, but also a very specific store  
> Patrick: God David you're so fucking stupid, take your shirt off

Patrick Brewer-Rose does not like days off. Weekends, holidays, and planned vacations were all fine, but closing the store last minute filled him with anxiety. Unfortunately for Patrick, a particularly intense thunderstorm had hit Schitt’s Creek the night before. The strong winds had knocked down some trees, and the hydro lines that powered the store were pulled down by a fallen branch. David, fearing for their stock of perishable items, stopped by the store on his way to drop Eloise off at school. There, a hydro worker informed him that it’d be at least 24 hours before they would have power again. After rescuing the contents of the store fridge and dropping Eloise at school, David returned home and gave his husband the bad news. 

Now, as Patrick attempted to retrieve a pouch of baby food from behind the Rose Apothecary goods David had crammed in the fridge, the anxiety was setting in. It was nearly 10am-he should’ve had the store opened over an hour ago. Instead, he was in the kitchen with Mariah on his hip while David took a nap. 

“Okay, we’ve got banana-peach-strawberry or apple-banana-blueberry. Any preferences?” He held the pouches out to his seven-month-old daughter, who reached out and grabbed the apple-banana-blueberry pouch. 

“Excellent choice!” He told her with a smile, putting the other pouch back in the fridge before strapping Mariah into her high chair. As Patrick watched her slurp down the puréed fruits, he started to think about how fast his little girl was growing up. It occurred to him that she was going to need more enrichment in her life to support her development. He grabbed his laptop and started searching.

***

David woke up from his nap at around 11:15, feeling very refreshed. Being a dad and a business owner had forced David to adopt a much earlier wake-up time than he was accustomed to. He relished any and all opportunities to go back to bed. Stretching lazily, David rolled out of bed and headed out to the living room. He grinned at the sight he was met with – Patrick and Mariah sitting on the floor together, rolling a ball back and forth. Patrick noticed his husband and shot him a grin.

“Hey, sleeping beauty,” he teased. David shook his head with a soft chuckle and joined them on the floor. 

“So what have you two been up to?” David asked.

“Pretty much just this for the last ten minutes or so,” Patrick replied.

As soon as he sat down, Mariah lost all interest in the ball. Instead, she rocked back and forth a little to build some momentum before leaning forward and pulling herself into a crawling position. This skill had only just emerged over the last two weeks or so, and David grinned brightly as Mariah crawled towards him. The novelty of seeing her able to move around the world unassisted hadn’t yet worn off. Lifting her into his lap once she reached him, David pressed a big kiss to the baby’s cheek and another to the shock of black hair on her head. 

“I signed us up for some baby classes earlier,” Patrick remarked casually. He’d eventually settled on two parent-child classes at the rec centre in Elmdale – a music class and a yoga class. He figured he’d take her to music and David would take her to yoga, so they would each get some one-on-one time with the baby. To his surprise, David was looking at him with a bewildered, slightly angry expression.

“What?” Patrick asked, totally confused by his husband’s reaction. 

“That’s the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard. What does she need baby classes for? She knows how to be a baby, look at her!” David gestured to the infant in his lap. “She’s doing great all on her own!” 

Patrick blinked, taking a moment to process what he’d just heard. Then, he started to laugh, despite his best efforts to stifle it. David looked unamused, glaring at his husband. 

“What’s so funny?!” David demanded. Once he managed to (mostly) stop laughing, Patrick smiled at David in disbelief. 

“They’re not...they’re not teaching her  _ how _ to be a baby, David,” he said before bursting into more giggles. “It’s a parent-child class. I signed us up for yoga and music. You honestly thought...oh my god, baby, I’m sorry, but that’s hilarious.” David huffed, standing up with Mariah.

“Your daddy is  _ mean _ , Mariah, let’s go put you down for a nap.” He carried her off to the nursery, leaving Patrick giggling helplessly on the floor.

***

David tiptoed out of the nursery and gently closed the door behind him. Still annoyed with his husband, he decided to go to their bedroom and read instead of joining Patrick in the living room. He’d barely read half a chapter when Patrick came into their room and shut the door. David set the book down and raised one eyebrow in annoyance. 

“Here to make fun of me some more?” He asked, tone unmistakably bitter. Patrick shook his head and walked over to the bed, sitting down on the mattress and gently taking David’s hand. He ran his thumb back and forth over the back of David’s hand, smiling fondly at him.

“Okay, this is worse. Go back to making fun of me,” David said. “Why are you being weird?” Patrick thought for a moment before responding. 

“I’m just thinking about how hot it was when you thought I’d signed Mariah up for lessons on how to be a baby.”

“Excuse me,  _ hot _ ? I distinctly remember you laughing your ass off at me.”

“It was funny, but also hot! You were so...full of conviction, David. Without a second thought, you had an argument locked and loaded and you were ready to defend your position, and I fucking love that about you. Even when you’re hilariously,  _ egregiously _ wrong, seeing you that confident in yourself drives me crazy.” David’s eyebrows shot up upon hearing this, and he studied Patrick’s face. He didn’t seem to be lying or teasing. He legitimately looked turned on. David was extremely confused, but at the same time, he was kind of into it. Before he knew it, Patrick was kissing him. He kissed back, tossing his book onto the bedside table and reaching up to cup Patrick’s jaw in his hand. 

“You’re a fucking weirdo, Patrick Brewer-Rose.”

“Mm, maybe, but I’m  _ your _ weirdo.”

“That you are.”

The kisses grew more heated, and Patrick gently pushed David back against the pillows and shifted more of his body onto their bed. He kissed a trail of sloppy, hurried kisses along David’s jaw and neck, occasionally nipping the skin and grinning when he heard David gasp sharply in response.

“Love you so much,” Patrick murmured as he set about giving David a hickey. “Can’t believe you thought they were lessons on  _ being _ a baby...God, David, take your fucking shirt off.” Patrick muttered demandingly in David’s ear before giving his earlobe a playful, gentle tug with his teeth. David shuddered, reluctantly pulling away from the kisses so he could pull his sweater over his head. He quickly folded it and set it on the bedside table before leaning back in to kiss his husband, who’d taken the opportunity to shed his own top. Since Mariah was born, their opportunities for intimacy had become few and far between, so they were both eager to make the most of this moment.

Patrick’s hand meandered across David’s skin, savouring it, like it was something that he was committing to memory, even though he knew David’s body by now. He knew how to touch it, hold it, use it to drive his husband up the wall. It had been a minute since they were last alone like this; opportunities for intimacy were often superseded by the need to sleep after a long day of caring for their daughters and for the store. But now, with miles of David’s skin under his fingertips, Patrick felt muscle memory take over. It flooded his senses: all those nights cramming themselves into the corner of the back room at the store, willing themselves silent during midnight trysts at Ray’s, chasing pleasure under deadline during the rare moments when David’s room at the motel was empty—all of that experience learning David’s body, loving it, and witnessing everything it was capable of returned to Patrick now. It made his stomach swoop to think about how many of the skills he’d learned over the years could be used now to take his husband apart. 

“I missed this,” Patrick whispered, sitting up against David’s hips and running a reverent hand down his husband’s torso. David sighed.

“So kiss me if you missed this so much,” David replied with some bite, but the pleased grin on his face soothed any sting Patrick may have retained from his tone. Ever the type to indulge his husband, Patrick recaptured David’s lips with his own and brought a hand down to palm David through his jeans. 

“I want this,” Patrick said into David’s mouth, squeezing his cock through the fabric. David nodded, his brain going foggy with pleasure, and helped Patrick unbutton his pants. It was an inelegant dance he did, trying to get his jeans and underwear down, but they managed. As soon as David’s cock was freed from its bindings, Patrick repositioned himself. He settled between David’s legs and admired his husband’s dick. He gave it a slow, experimental stroke and was delighted at the low groan that escaped David’s mouth in response. 

Patrick sucked David’s cock into his mouth, enjoying the taste of precum that had beaded at the tip, and lowered his head, taking as much of it in as he could. Deepthroating was simply not a skill he’d been blessed with, but he more than made up for it by paying attention to the minuscule movements that made David tick. He flattened his tongue against the underside of David’s cock, brushing it up against the large, sensitive vein there, and felt David wind his fingers into his hair. 

“ _ God _ , Patrick, your  _ mouth _ ,” David murmured. Patrick squeezed David’s thigh, at once thanking him for the compliment and taking the opportunity to grab hold and press down on something, anything, to keep him grounded as he sucked David. 

Patrick pulled out every stop: he licked the slit at the head of David’s cock, then sucked on the head, warm and heavy in his mouth, as his hand stroked the spit-slick shaft. He looked up at David through his lashes and saw that his husband had taken to biting his own forearm to keep from shouting Patrick’s name. The thought made him chuckle smugly, and the vibration sent sparks up David’s spine. He let out a loud groan, and they both instinctively stilled, eyes turning toward the baby monitor to make sure they hadn’t disturbed Mariah’s rest. She stayed silent, asleep in her crib. They blew out a breath, relieved, and Patrick continued his ministrations. 

“I’m not gonna last much longer,” David sighed, running his hands through his own hair and pulling. Patrick took that as the signal to take as much of David into his mouth as could fit and giving David a hard suck as his hand squeezed the base of his cock. David was coming within seconds. One hand was fisted in Patrick’s hair, twisted in hard enough to pull, and the other was in his own mouth, his teeth biting down hard enough to likely leave bruises. Patrick sucked him through his orgasm, swallowing his come like a pro. He pulled off gingerly once David had softened in his mouth, spent. 

“Jesus Christ. C’mere,” David said. He lay bonelessly against the pillows, but he found it in him somewhere to reach up and guide Patrick’s face to his own. David loved kissing Patrick after he gave him a blowjob. He loved tasting himself in his husband’s mouth, on his tongue. 

“I want your mouth on me, David,” Patrick whispered between bruising kisses. David groaned, leaving one last searching kiss on Patrick’s lips before flipping them over and kissing a trail down Patrick’s body. 

“I can’t fucking wait to taste you,” David said. He clumsily unbuckled Patrick’s belt and whipped it off with a flourish, earning him a stifled laugh from his husband. David made quick work of unbuttoning Patrick’s jeans and maneuvering them off his legs, a much easier task than dealing with the awkward jumble of limbs and fabric that happened whenever David’s own pants had to come off. David situated himself between Patrick’s legs immediately and licked a hard stripe up Patrick’s cock through the fabric of his underwear. Patrick threw his head back and let out a long, shuddery breath.

David slipped Patrick’s dick out of his cotton boxer-briefs and took him in hand, lightly jacking him off as he sucked a hickey onto Patrick’s thigh. Patrick forced himself to breathe deeply and fisted his hands into the sheets, willing himself not to come from just David’s light touch and the feel of his mouth sucking a bruise into the tender skin. When David rubbed gently at the mark he left, satisfied, and turned his full attention to Patrick’s dick, it was all Patrick could do to turn his head into the pillows and stifle a groan.

“That feels so good,” he breathed, scratching at the skin of his chest. 

David hummed around him and Patrick sighed. This wouldn’t last long. David pushed every one of Patrick’s buttons effortlessly but reverently, as if Patrick’s body was a safe that contained every worldly treasure known to man and only David knew the combination. David sucked hard on the head of Patrick’s dick, watching his husband come apart from behind dark lashes, and took Patrick in deep. He saw Patrick’s fists twitch in the sheets and knew he was aching to pull David’s hair, so while he bobbed up and down between Patrick’s legs, David took one of Patrick’s hands in his and guided it to his hair. He figured he could restyle it later; for now, all that mattered to David was the heaving of Patrick’s chest, the rosiness of his skin, the breathiness of his sighs as they floated past his lips. Patrick’s fists in David’s hair tightened, signalling to David that his husband was close.

David twisted his head as he went down and swallowed around his husband, and the feeling of David’s tongue, David’s soft, warm mouth tightening around him, finally sent Patrick over the edge. He came silently, his back arching up off the bed as the waves of pleasure broke over his head. Feeling David swallow his come and lick gently at the head of his spent dick sent shocks up Patrick’s spine, and he pulled David off himself. Patrick guided David’s face to his own instead and kissed him sloppily. David chuckled into his mouth. “Not that I’m complaining...but what the hell was that? Did you seriously get  _ that _ turned on just from me saying something kind of stupid?”

Patrick pulled back and smirked teasingly at his husband. “That wasn’t just  _ kind of _ stupid, it was  _ incredibly _ stupid and  _ ridiculously _ sexy.” David frowned, but Patrick was quick to kiss the pout off of his face. He pulled David close, tangling their legs together and ghosting his lips along the freckles on David’s shoulder that he loved so very much. David gasped softly at the sensation and wriggled his shoulder away, still feeling overstimulated.

“I’m not even entirely sure why that did so much for me, honey. Then again, pretty much everything you do turns me on, so I’m not completely surprised.” Patrick said softly, pulling away from David’s shoulder and instead gently carding his fingers through David’s hair. Satisfied with that explanation, David sighed contentedly and wrapped his arm around Patrick. They stayed like that for a few minutes, just enjoying the quiet moment together. The sound of Mariah crying came through the baby monitor, startling them from their reverie, and they both groaned exasperatedly. 

“I’ll get her, you stay here,” Patrick said and reluctantly got out of bed, pulling his underwear back on along with a pair of sweatpants and a soft grey t-shirt. He paused when he reached the doorway, turning back to look at David with a wry smile. “You were absolutely right, by the way,” Patrick teased, “she’s excellent at being a baby. No tutoring required.” David rolled his eyes and flipped Patrick off, and they both chuckled as Patrick left their room and headed off to the nursery.


End file.
